就算我知道你不会来。我还是把东西放着，留个小希望让我去痛。也就像this post 我知道你不会看。我还是post 了。毁掉希望。

wrong timing, wrong choice, everything is just wrong, time to move myself back on the right track. It is time,for me to get back on the right track and let go of it. It is time

i am so damn in love with this fictional character of the hong sisters,damn they are good.HAHAHA!
only penning it down here so that i will remember how much i love this show. the masters sun. i actually re-watched it again and again even when it has not finish airing,see how bad that addiction is?wu li joo goon jin jia bo shi so!
i love the character so much!! how i wish it was real. some men who gets stucked on first love for 15 years,that a real gem there.someone is not afraid of confessing, doesn't do the i don't know shit,i am not so sure and be ready to accept reality and face his fears, why are all real men like shit?lol.



pleaseeeee hong sisters,don't screw this up for me, let him live and let me see a happy ending at least in dramas, i have had too much melodramas in real life.make it a real romantic comedy and let there be no deaths! 

ok i am done with doing nothing at all.
i have to start to do something.since i mention about it here,its a start for sure.
=)

ok the more i say it the more chances they are of becoming coming true

by next year i will be a dive master, maths genius, be on my way to getting a first class honors, save up to 10k of which i have absolute zero plans on, get a life saving insurance, know i am the most important thing in my entire life, learn to feed myself real good food,be nicer to people even though they are like shit, get rid of the nasty people in my life, be more understanding to people who think love is the best thing of their lives(i will try,like REALLY try), try not to say the word hate, run more, swim more, make a million friends, get over with the nasty stuffs, love myself more love my family even more,hate my dad less.

right.
i have a million things to do,so no my brain and heart should not feel empty.
the more i say it the higher the chances of it coming true.erm hm.

If i could i would love to stay underwater forever.
In a quiet place
In a trouble free environment
Where the only thing important to me is my life.

sometimes

Sometimes i wonder what had i done so wrong to be treated this way.
How can you know the hell I had to went through and still treat me this way.
I may not have been the best or the most self sacrificing person for you,but I don't think I had done anything that bad to deserve this shit from you.
You took the chance to hit me when I was in my most vulnerable time.You made me realize that I can't simply trust anyone at all.I am really dumb. I should not have been lead on by you,but I did.
I admit,its stupid of me,I can't blame anyone but myself.
You did not make any mistakes.
Don't live like that,please.
One day you will get all the shit you throw to people.
Hopefully that does not happen to you
I don't think you can survive the fall
good luck to you
I will by all means try never to see yo,hear from you
Be a better person,for your own sake.

sleepless not troubled

I am not troubled.am flying actually.i have a whole full list of things to do this year. the time for new year resolution is probably gone but i want to do one now,its just me,I'm slow.

 1.treat self better. after so many years of torturing myself with so many self incurred problems and shit stirring,my brain finally decides to treat self better.will do whatever i want and whenever i want,wouldn't care less if you think it is not right,not great,not very normal.I AM NOT NORMAL,and that is good for me,being normal makes me unhappy,following a routine like everyone else is plain stupidity.  
2.trust no one fully trust had brought me nowhere near happiness. every time i give ppl my oh great trust,they just throw it straight to the bin like its not worthy of any places except the big black bin.so no,nobody can have my faith,my innocence is not worthy of anything,ppl have proven it again and again.
 3.love my mum more i need to be a more filial child,my mum is the best in the world,i don't know how she does it but she has totally scrape her life in exchange for everyone else in the family.i don't understand the self sacrificing thing she does,it makes no sense to me to kill your heart again and again and waste your life on something with no returns.she loves me and my family unconditionally.if there is anyone i truly love in the world that will be my mum,she keeps me rooted here and sane.thanks ma,i will be a better person for you.=)  
4.studies studies will be my top priority this year,i need this desperately,its my ticket out of this dumpster and hopefully a better future.

this place has totally trampled on my so called 'innocence','love','fantasy brain'. it made me so twisted till i don't really like myself or know what the hell i want anymore.so i am gonna do what i do best.RUN because there is no way i can face any more drama and ugliness in this place,so no facing,no moment of truth,i will just leave.since none of my friends ever read this space anymore so none knows exactly what i have in mind now or what i plan,no scrap that,what i am already doing.which is good,nobody to stop the crazy.strangers who read this,thanks for seeing me rant.

Confusion

Trying to make things as clear as black and white but sometimes ur situation dont always help,especially when other colours started appearing on ur canvas and u cant decide.den there goes a buyer who tells u to finish ur work soon becase he wanna see the masterpiece.and well of coz u search for what the buyer likes.but u seem to find the most absurb things he likes,how to accept and in corporate in ur work?as time drags,the more the buyer get obssed with the absurd stuffs and the colours get old and ugly.its nt what ur style is and basically not smthing u do,will u forsake the classic and try out the new way just so ur that onebuyer is happy.or will u stick to what u are best at and try the other potential buyers?

what do i need

i wanna leave everything behind,so much stress and misunderstandings,try till sian,expect too much, don't like the way i am living,don't wanna stay in it.dont wanna be in pain anymore,save me.

very bored

i am freaking busy nowadays coz i gotta do FYP,work like mad and also pursue my interest at the same time. life is really short~! don't the even have time for beauty sleep nowadays and the saddest thing ever is that its my holidays and i feel more drained than ever.TML IS ROU ROU's birthday! i am super excited! will upload whatever photos i can take tml! thus i am gonna steal jere's EX camera and have fun with it.
AND
and
AND
and
AND
i did hair and make up for jere's friend. they were going for D &D and woah i am a total genius! super good hands lei! i made her real pretty wor!i will upload my masterpiece when he uploads the damn photos.

the ups and downs of life!

this blog seems to be full of my agonies and complains,if it had a voice, i guess it will probably be saying "shut the fuck up! how many more things do you wanna complain??!!sickening...!!" oh well,sorry diary,its your job.
great...now i am creating an illusion of me having conversation with website,i really am creative hur?
alright happy things to start.
the full timers are getting back their rightful pay which happens to be the same amount before recession but the sad news is that there is this MVC thing which takes away a percentage of those who are paid more than 2000.it doesn't really affect the ones i cared more about,so i don't care.
i think my boy has his right to a higher position or a higher pay now,since they are making him do almost everything the captain or supervisor is supposed to do.how would you feel if you had to take the same responsibilities as your captain or supervisor and be underpaid? it sucks,that's what it is.and veran is an awful bastard! he pretends not to see how hard people are working,he prefers to see it as "its your job".i say that he has absolutely the tiniest brain of all the GMs in Singapore,Malaysia and some say Batam.that's exactly how stupid and retarded he is. AND i don't give a damn if he see this.its my own damn free will to comment about the size of his pea brain.and i don't care if you sabo me,it will be nice for him to know the truth.there! i feel good!HA!
work aside! my life is turning out to be pretty good you know! my fyp are cooperating with me,and i finally had attendance for my FYP.and i no longer that lost anymore,although everything is gonna be due soon,i feel pretty good.i can handle the tides now.
i have got some new gadgets in hand and they ARE ALL FREE! i've told some people what it is or basically who it is from when they finally find out the new thing.won't spread the news like fire since i don't want some assholes to find out.so if i don't find you an asshole,i will tell you.LOL
i have gotten a new Topshop dress,FREE AGAIN,given by my extravagant bf.its expensive and gorgeous!its a really body hugging toga dress,i took a photo of it and trust me,what you see is not what it really is,it makes a huge difference when you wear it.and i have got a huge range of eyeshadow,not really huge but the colors i will wear.its from EBAY and pretty good,but i prefer the cream eyeshadow instead of the powdery ones,coz you get the color real quick and i don't do multiple applications to get the right color. alright the good thing about powdery eye shadows is that you can do shades of it very easily but time consuming,and the good thing about cream base is that you get the color you see but harder to get the shades if you do not have sufficient expertise.probably be aiming for the MAC ones after this is done,the more expensive ones are always better.And talking about make up,do you guys actually know that in US,make up is considered expensive in our country? like MAC stuff,an eyeshadow can cost you 25 to 60 dollars,while in US its less than 16 bucks and its considered expensive???!!! i was like "WHAT?!". living in singapore is just that hard.....the nice clothes are always from euro and US.currency converts and BOOM, there goes your pocket! is that even a singapore brand of clothes which are really good??? Coz i think there isn't one at all.it just sucks living in a country with nothing originating.no one is a big shot in cosmetics and fashion,there is no Singapore's Topshop or M.A.C.and don't tell me its Bugis village and silkygirl,coz i never bought any of the stuff there and i had seen them,and they are definitely nothing compared to the ones i like.good stuff always come with a price hur?
like pur minerals,the make up range were extremely nice.its good for the skin,great for the environment,and against animal testing.and the worst part was that its not available in singapore.....hell...am i supposed to go to canada just for make up??? HELL NO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMnqgbDhLu4
here is the sad demonstration,its sad since i can't get it.
alright i am tired of whining.i gotta go study for the test tml.HAI!!!!pictures next time alright? i'm so tired!

like a slap in the face

i feel like i have been treated like shit.is it my imagination? i guess i should have listened to jeremey.call me dumb,coz i think i am now.i feel weakened.and your reaction is like a tight slap in the face,so is your answer.i guess i should had just gone school.i know what i should do now,i really do.

love?life?family?and money?

条件真的比感觉重要吗?
谈恋爱如果只剩下条件, 那不是很悲惨吗 ?
条件能让你快乐吗?
还是条件能让你幸福?
当你靠近一个人, 那种心跳加速害羞的感觉, 你还有吗?
我有.


this is from the show i keep chasing.i love it.i truly think that this is probably whats happening to a lot of people out there. sometimes love and affection is really enough.all that 5Cs issue that just be thrown away.i am applying this to all the good guys(internally),and of course my one and only boyfriend.so if you think that money and the advantages you will gain is all that defines a fantastic relationship,think again.just how much is true?i am from a poor family,and my dad not only is he penniless,he is also childish and definitely stupid.BUT,i still have hopes,that not all poor guys are not worth investing,there are guys out there who are more worthy than anything in this world,and i meant the love and true happiness you will receive now and more to come.of course! don't think that all poor guys are good,you might be blinded by love(ya,i know 1),you need to ask yourself again and again,is he really the one for you?if not,just don't waste your time.if you haven't found one,=),good luck to you!i hope that you will find him/her soon!

swears

send an email insisting that i will take the five modules and sent an email to project faci saying that i will not be tolerant to nonsense.promised myself to be god-like.and promised myself that i will make myself feel better. I FUCKING DESERVES BETTER TREATMENT! so BOW DOWN to me,you pricklings!
RrRrRoOoOoOoAaAaARrRrR!
i swear that i will step on you if you get in my way!

last day of my "holiday"

haiz.... i'm so sad....its my last day of holiday...and my sch starts like in a few hours time...i'm so stressed up that i can't even fall asleep.its all that damn project....got me cornered up and whacked till blue black...haiz......low lei....five different classes in two blocks.think i will go into the wrong class someday soon...once this whole sch year thing is over,i am gonna be crying and laughing madly in joy!!!!!!!! if only this day comes soon. AND HOPEFULLY,i will be able to stop whining and whining about how sch just sucks. i will be having a serious talk with module chair tml,hopefully she can do some help in my matter.
AND AWAY WITH SCHOOL SHIT.
let me scold my manager in this space!!!! MR ARJUNAN! action speak more than your god damn words.work it! and stop pin pointing other people.
let me tell you guys about the story again.(lol)
i was working in trophy room today with daniel and it was bloody full with 15 tables all watching the F1 match.PLUS!!! they sat down almost together in lightning speed.so i guess you understood how extremely busy we were serving the guests.i was keying my drinks when suddenly the MAN-WHORE came to me and said" why the mussels bowl never clear?you know full already?".i was like WTF....i am serving some guests who were have clearly waited damn long for someone to get them drinks,and that man-whore cares about a bowl full of mussel shells? i was fed up so i just shout "busy right?!"and ignored his bloody face.after that,i think he was quite pissed.he kept asking daniel to do and that,make daniel pissed too and so he said to me" wa lao,keep asking people to do this and that while he just happily walk around point here and there,never help also."(something like that).i totally agree.
i guess he knew that i was pissed with him,coz he never ask me to do anything after that.managers like garfield,yvonne and Reb will always help out and talk about it later.come on la! serve the drinks to guest first lo.clearing can always do later de ma?!!!its not like they are gonna leave immediately,its only the start of the race!
ok fine leave the scolding now.funny things ok?
one of my tables had a cake in "cold room" (which is a large freezer BTW)
and they wanted it to be brought out after the race.i heard it was so damn huge,they had to leave it in the cold room where more space is available. AND it really was gigantic and HEAVY! three siao zar bos went to prepare the cake(put in candles) and they did their phototakings and all the funny funny things SZBs would do.(like go ki siao over the cake shape).i was so damn curious so i went in too lo! LOL...and i am also another SZB( siao zar bo,crazy girl),the cake was in a shape of an F1 car and it had that petronas sign with a BMW sticker at the front of the car.it was really big,white and very interesting! i will try to get pictures from the rest of the SZBs and upload it soon.show you the fun.
since its so damn big, they only wanted to eat a small portion of it,so we brought it in to the kitchen to cut(me and yeeting). AND we attracted alot of attention from the rest of the restaurant,so pai seh!
the kitchen chefs and other people working in the kitchen plus servers were like constantly taking pictures of it.it was a really funny sight,its like the F1 cake just hold a reporters meeting and everyone went cheek-kit ckeek-kit.lol... the tyres were of course hard chocolate.how to cut? can! kitchen chefs will teach you the ultimate shaolin hand chop and the throw-it-hard-on-the-tray stunt which always work for chocolate that thick and big in size.in no time the cakes were sliced in the most decent way and the choc tyres were split up in the most funny ways.i was really laughing hard at the way they distribute the cake...too bad i didn't have it recorded.
skip the cake now,since they didn't give us any tips for all the hard work contributed.-_-( daniel says he will smash their cake if they dare come twice)lol
anyway almost all of the part timers stayed for dinner. the people i had take note of was daniel,yeeting,trudy,kai xuan and clive.JJ brought his "maybe" girlfriend and anderson brought his "friend" who really just looked like a really old hag.
we felt so strange that we decided to lock ourselves in our own world.we were happily talking when suddenly we realize that weilin is drunk........and she only drank like 400 ml>beer.....lol...she really was drunk.and we imitated her saying i chinese" going to rain lieo,can go home liao...haHAHhahaha" all of us were stunned for a while,and we started laughing and imitating her.then she was swaying and saying she felt dizzy(like duh,you were SWAYING)and she was slurring the next moment.STUNNED!!!lol....what a lousy drinker she was. and everyone was really holding 3 months pregnant stomach and ready to go home except for Trudy who vomit twice and once in taxi plus like continuous when she reached her front door.i wished my stress syndromes are like that,maybe i will be thinner like her situation,but i hate vomiting, any other choice??

am gonna complain as usual

i just hate my FYP team. i hate them more than anything else.IF there is absolutely any way that i could SIAM them i would do anything possible to reach that goal.not only the team BUT ALSO they project supervisor of this project. she sucks man! she knows nothing at all, and she don't bother to anyway. she just thinks that the lesser you go and bother her,the better a student you are. what an ass.
worst part is that its my mum birthday tml and i have nothing that i can give to her.my two good friend's birthday i also never give anything. i really do feel shitty........about myself.like how the hell did i end up to be so DAMN poor?
lets just forget about the poor thing for a while. but what have i done so badly to those bitchy FYP team mates that they simply pretend that i never existed even when i am right in front of them? what's with my luck with ties and money?
AND!
we have been like quarreling non stop these few days?so whats with me that people have a huge problem in? so what the hell is wrong? why do all things just fall at me all at once?! WHY?! what have i done so wrong to deserve all this?you know what? i might be getting depression soon.now i feel like i could just die off so that i can haunt all those assholes who have been ULTIMATE FUCKERS.

feeling tired

i am so tired of everything........i just wanna disappear.i feel like an entertainer.......when i don't even wanna be one.seriously can anyone understand how life is hard on me? can anyone just go easy on me once in a while?its not like i am some kind of king kong....i can't stand,support and do everything.be nice to me.THANKS!!!!!give me a break...