choices

what a sensitive topic.i don't remember anything about me having a strong desire to be born in this world.i only remember knowing how scary and unpredictable death can be.
i tried to get a goal in life to pursue,a reason why life can be exciting,but it was never excepted by anyone.i tried finding people to rely on,make them my place to hide,but what i get was the more ugly side of things around me.i tried what they say happiness,laugh at everything single little thing,be optimistic,and i was condemned for being happy.they say to be more realistic and serious.infinite mountains started appearing in my mind. nothing was possible anymore.everything including me turned ugly. life became harder and harder,soon breathing became a difficulty,pain became a familiar stranger,sickness was developed,so is my fear.kindness seemed twisted and i was never able to believe in something for long. my sense of security was taken again and again,till i can never find it anymore,not even in my dreams.
i lost myself to my fears.i get happy and smile but i realize i am always afraid that something will break soon.i am afraid of boulders hitting at the same time.if all of the boulders drop,my tolerance for life will break.
told to find myself back,to stand high and worry about nothing because everything will soon be gone by the wind.
i took a glimpse below and i fell.i don't know when i will ever hit ground
by then, i will get to know whats "there is no place like heaven" meant.