Sometimes i wonder what had i done so wrong to be treated this way.
How can you know the hell I had to went through and still treat me this way.
I may not have been the best or the most self sacrificing person for you,but I don't think I had done anything that bad to deserve this shit from you.
You took the chance to hit me when I was in my most vulnerable time.You made me realize that I can't simply trust anyone at all.I am really dumb. I should not have been lead on by you,but I did.
I admit,its stupid of me,I can't blame anyone but myself.
You did not make any mistakes.
Don't live like that,please.
One day you will get all the shit you throw to people.
Hopefully that does not happen to you
I don't think you can survive the fall
good luck to you
I will by all means try never to see yo,hear from you
Be a better person,for your own sake.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
sleepless not troubled
I am not troubled.am flying actually.i have a whole full list of things to do this year.
the time for new year resolution is probably gone but i want to do one now,its just me,I'm slow.
1.treat self better. after so many years of torturing myself with so many self incurred problems and shit stirring,my brain finally decides to treat self better.will do whatever i want and whenever i want,wouldn't care less if you think it is not right,not great,not very normal.I AM NOT NORMAL,and that is good for me,being normal makes me unhappy,following a routine like everyone else is plain stupidity.
2.trust no one fully trust had brought me nowhere near happiness. every time i give ppl my oh great trust,they just throw it straight to the bin like its not worthy of any places except the big black bin.so no,nobody can have my faith,my innocence is not worthy of anything,ppl have proven it again and again.
3.love my mum more i need to be a more filial child,my mum is the best in the world,i don't know how she does it but she has totally scrape her life in exchange for everyone else in the family.i don't understand the self sacrificing thing she does,it makes no sense to me to kill your heart again and again and waste your life on something with no returns.she loves me and my family unconditionally.if there is anyone i truly love in the world that will be my mum,she keeps me rooted here and sane.thanks ma,i will be a better person for you.=)
4.studies studies will be my top priority this year,i need this desperately,its my ticket out of this dumpster and hopefully a better future.
this place has totally trampled on my so called 'innocence','love','fantasy brain'. it made me so twisted till i don't really like myself or know what the hell i want anymore.so i am gonna do what i do best.RUN because there is no way i can face any more drama and ugliness in this place,so no facing,no moment of truth,i will just leave.since none of my friends ever read this space anymore so none knows exactly what i have in mind now or what i plan,no scrap that,what i am already doing.which is good,nobody to stop the crazy.strangers who read this,thanks for seeing me rant.
1.treat self better. after so many years of torturing myself with so many self incurred problems and shit stirring,my brain finally decides to treat self better.will do whatever i want and whenever i want,wouldn't care less if you think it is not right,not great,not very normal.I AM NOT NORMAL,and that is good for me,being normal makes me unhappy,following a routine like everyone else is plain stupidity.
2.trust no one fully trust had brought me nowhere near happiness. every time i give ppl my oh great trust,they just throw it straight to the bin like its not worthy of any places except the big black bin.so no,nobody can have my faith,my innocence is not worthy of anything,ppl have proven it again and again.
3.love my mum more i need to be a more filial child,my mum is the best in the world,i don't know how she does it but she has totally scrape her life in exchange for everyone else in the family.i don't understand the self sacrificing thing she does,it makes no sense to me to kill your heart again and again and waste your life on something with no returns.she loves me and my family unconditionally.if there is anyone i truly love in the world that will be my mum,she keeps me rooted here and sane.thanks ma,i will be a better person for you.=)
4.studies studies will be my top priority this year,i need this desperately,its my ticket out of this dumpster and hopefully a better future.
this place has totally trampled on my so called 'innocence','love','fantasy brain'. it made me so twisted till i don't really like myself or know what the hell i want anymore.so i am gonna do what i do best.RUN because there is no way i can face any more drama and ugliness in this place,so no facing,no moment of truth,i will just leave.since none of my friends ever read this space anymore so none knows exactly what i have in mind now or what i plan,no scrap that,what i am already doing.which is good,nobody to stop the crazy.strangers who read this,thanks for seeing me rant.
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