drama

lots of things happen in a flash recently....feel really tired of handling such things.......i just really wished and hoped that everyone will be more understanding and please listen to what i have to say.because whatever i say,i am serious about it and i definitely know how to think.please do not put words into my mouth.if i caused any misunderstandings between us,i am really sorry,i never meant to hurt anyone.

and to you who thinks that i am only with him because he treats me well or whatever you are thinking.i am not
i know very clearly what my feelings are.i know what i have said before,i did not want a boyfriend currently in my life,because my life is chaotic and i definitely do not wanna drag anyone down.
i can only say feelings are uncontrollable. i fell in love with him,and i don't think he will ever leave me in the lurch.i know that he will always be there for me,and i need him to be.
i missed his craps,i liked his 'singular' laughs even though its there to irritate me,i like it when he laughs terribly,i like it when he snuggles up to me,i like it when he says zhu xiao qian,i like listening to his stories,i like it when he sings to me in SMS,i like it when he try to drop little hints here and there(yea,i know,i just keep quiet nia),i like it when he kisses my forehead,i like it when he tells me stupid jokes,i like it when he gives me stupid faces when he starts fishing me,i smile at his msgs,and laughs at his uniqueness,i simply love to be with him.and when he is not around i feel empty.we may not like the same things,and we might be really different in everything,but there is one simple thing we definitely share,its a huge love bond between us,and that is the main important thing we ever have to share.

you can tell me this is some extraordinary friend thing i feel for him but i just think its not that way.i don't really care about the inferiority thing,i only care about what my and his heart feels.that's all it really matters.

i may have hurt some people because of that,but if you don't understand some things,no matter whatever i do,you will still stay at the same place. if i keep considering about your well-being,who is gonna consider his and mine?no matter what,you still have to face this one day,its the same.i will never hurt him to save you from this misery.

company chalet!

alright its on last sunday and monday but i am writing about it now.i know i am slow but i am really lazy you know?whats worse,i don't have most of the pictures.most of the pictures and videos are with Veran(my branch manager).and i really wonder how am i supposed to get from him.
okay i was supposed to meet daniel,edith and kent at pasir ris by 12 but i woke up at 12 so haha...no lim kopi session.i was supposed to give kent morning call,but since i din wake up,he also didn't lo.in the end i manage to drag trudy out "early" and reached pasir ris at around 3 plus in the afternoon. there i met up with hui yun,alvin,choon yew,kent,daniel,edith and AJ.i thought we were really late and we were still taking our own sweet time in mac,but you know what?mandy that bunch of people are still at brewerkz.kao!
we arrived at the chalet almost the same time as them.Veran was wearing only this greenish bot shorts,showing his man-ness to everyone.LOL.some of them have not seen his new tanned look,so they were pretty shocked to see him all brownish red.and ya he looked less guniang like that.kent commented about his new look and even asked him to dress like that all the time in brew,then we will call him a real man.(we are assholes)
we left our belongings in one of the four rooms available and started crapping about where we should place amanda. well the conclusion is she should sleep in the toilet,coz she is not a human.there was this sign that says no pets allowed,den rayvin started to joke about amanda being banned in this chalet.michelle was a big idiot,she told amanda that the she had to be bikini as that was the dress code.no bikini no entry.that kam gong still ask her what the guys can wear and she said "only trunks!"..lol! arjunan was around and he tag along with it"ya la amanda only bikini and trunks ar!"
well she didn't come in the end.april explained saying she had some other party to attend(what a coincidence).she even told april this "i have got two parties to attend. i dunno is if i should go for my friend bachelor's or bachelorette's party"lol
if only i were there,i will definitely laugh my ass off in front of her.she dont even know what that is lo...unqualified bimbo.
i played with my skates with daniel and edith,while kent cycled and jeremey WALKED.haha...extra fella.after which jeremey took my skates and i took Daniel's and we went out to skate and talked.we updated each other pretty much stuffs which i don't wanna say here.(opps...fishing)

and see this.THE FOOD WAS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.got sausages,steaks,cutlets,squid,shrimp,grilled vegetables,satays,otah,salads,juices,beer,gin,scotch,whisky,rum,vodka.you name it,we have it.we eat and eat,went inside,blast some music and held a personal k box session with no microphone.we were like some crazy choir waving our hands and singing at the top of our lungs.the whole thing was recorded by veran.i am definitely gonna get it from him.its way too interesting and you definitely wanna have a good laugh at it.
soon,the card games,majong and drinking games start.they started playing a game hui yun introduce,after which they play indian poker,the freaking deadly game.and there goes yee ting and daniel.all drunk and transformed into merlions.i got sick of watching them play and went out with choon yew.he cycled while i skated.we talked and crap,share our problems and sat at the pub with kent joining us later.
when we returned more people have already arrived and i accompany terence and kent outside for a while.with the drunk yee ting and people trying to coax her to get her ass into the chalet.soon closing staffs came.2 vans drive in and they sort of reminded me of those fighting scenes.haha! the devils are here.erwin,robin and ridzuan.the drink devils.ha! especially ridzuan! he was holding lots of cups and a few bottles just walked to almost anyone he can see to "offer" his drinks. those who didn't will get his nagging from him.niam niam niam,like ah ma like that.
alan that idiot kerna forced to drink,he happily take and got drunk.terence and brien,they are the artists of the night.they drew alan's face,chest,hands and legs and drew bernard's too.they even went off early and laughed their way home.stupid idiots...the whole place was flooded with the smell of alcohol,and merlions.
veran said all these stuff such as no gambling,no merlions all that bullshit.in the end he was the one who left the bottles of bombay,j&b scotch and blah blah blah there for us.loL!
i left at around six plus in the morning,coz i cant really stand seeing merlions around.erwin was really drunk.lucien did a stupid thing la,although its really not his fault but he mentioned shun yee in front of erwin,like ask how she is.ass man...he didn't know what shun yee did to erwin.erwin after that damn sad de,keep asking me to find whisky for him.he was like repeating words like "are you ok?" when i should be the one asking him that,he was really sad...hai...hope he finds someone who will really treasure him lo...shun yee damn guo fen...hate her doings...hope lao tian ye will be more fair to erwin and let him get something good in return.
yup thats about all...and oh ya! that stupid kent that day damn emo de keep don't wanna tell me stuffs and jeremey was such a great nurse! he kept taking very good care of yee ting.haha! oh i see something coming=P

eh....ar....e....oh....

seriously many things happened over the week,but......i don't know if i should put it up or not.i will just say some stupid stunts i did.
served a local table yesterday and did not really expect them to do tipping and they did with quite an amazing value(i hated serving them)LOL.the birthday girl was wearing those damn low cut blouse that showed 3/4 of her boobies,arjunan keep saying "cantek ar".haha...i just told him she might as well don't wear the blouse.she just kept flashing her boobies which gets pretty irritating since i am not as well off as her(just kidding)and she was really drunk.(ya i know,if you are guy you will be saying "what a waste i wasn't there") i REALLY liked that table coz they bought a cake from nectarie at clarke place and left the box there! i am so happy! i love that box!(so i took it home=D)



ya la i know,garung guni rite?(i don't care!)
today was pure drama.a guy fell down and his head at the bar.HA!an ambulance had to come to fetch him to hospital for a check up.what an expensive 'drink' he had.then there was this Indian girl who threw up everything at the table...ewww....then she even peng at the NARROW corridors to the toilet.to make things worst she vomit at the constraint space left to walk through.fantastic.that sent almost all managers and supervisors over to check out the situation. i went too!(coz i am kaypo),only to be poked by erwin and pushed back to my place(i poked him back!lol)
talk about poking ppl in the waist....i started this trend with Terence.the moment we see each other,we will be wrestling with each other and poking each other all the time.lol.i sort of extended it to almost everyone i see so that i know who is afraid of the itch.to my surprise a lot are...HOHOHO...(sadly,i am too )now,retribution seems to have worked its course,coz everyone aims at me.see me,POKE,see me,smack my ponytail.see me,disturb me.KAO!
talk about the admirers,i am starting to suspect another coming,whats with the 'luck' lo....why recently?i don't think i have changed much in appearance ar,aiya,i don't care,i just live my life the way i want to.
having company chalet tml,i want to play till no tml! swim,skate,cycle,eat and di siao siao!OH HO!just the thought of it perks me up.oh no no no no,i gotta go sleep le,coz i need to wake up early, i wanna enjoy my long awaited "lim kopi" session with my friends,lol.
gotta tuck in le,good nitez~!
end the post with pictures!(sue and me)(me and zhu xian)

i need you to know

i know whatever i say does not make any sense to you.but listen to this.....
i gave up on you a long time ago.the feelings are no longer love,its "xi guan".i am used to having you around.i will be the most selfish bitch ever if i gave you a chance to woo me back,especially when i know that its impossible between us.you may not understand this,after all, i took 2 years plus to understand it. I can't explain ,its hard to find the words.i can only say that i realize,understood,and moved on.
you said that i did not even give you a chance,i know,i am sorry for being so cruel,i don't want to hurt you anymore.you did understand what i meant.everything we had was in the past.we no longer have the bond within us anymore.don't you see? we drifted throughout the years.your love and affection stays at the past me not the 'now' me.i am different now,there are many things that you no longer know and understand me.I have not changed but you do not know the history of or the present me anymore.although i still have the same problems around me,i might already have a different approach towards it.
you know me well,i told you,"no matter what,do not regret what you did,every decision you make,changes the course of your life,stick with it"don't make your life so difficult for yourself.if you know there are wolves on the hills,why would you even want to go up to kill yourself?bu yao zhe yang zhi....its just not you.....you never take risk,why now?
you said you figured it out and that you definitely wanted me in your life.but i have also figured that i did want you in my life but in a very different way...i can't accept your way and you can't accept mine.we have our reasons.
if i know that you and i will never work out,why do i even offer you the chance to do so?why do you wanna make me a bitch that i never wanted to be?
i have my reasons for saying that we won't work out.yes,i was influenced by the past,but my decision was based mainly on how i would feel about our future.i just can't see any of it,i don't even think about it the same way that i did a few years ago.
please.......do it for yourself.
let me go......not that i don't want you around,i don't want to you to feel lost and frustrated over me.you know my attitude towards you changed,and i know you can't accept that.for me,i fell that nothing was wrong,what about you?i know you don't like it.i can no longer to there for you like how i used to be.chances are not always there,its gone now.we are just not meant to be,i hope that you will be able to think through this and moved on. i know its a painful process but HOLD ON,AND PULL THROUGH IT.you are the last person i ever want to hurt.

upload pictures for shan

ya these are pictures of us taken at cwp's gelare.we were being really lame.playing around with our handphone and face.i thought those ugly pictures looked really good.haha,at least i had a good laugh at them.
anyway i watch wanted today.abit gross lei...but i love the action,and for me its quite funny.and ya its pretty lame,that they go after the targets given by the holy crappy cloths la,but i like the ending.HAHA! bad movie,it should be M18,too much bad influence,but hey i still think its highly recommended for some people that i know.if you ever watch that movie and read my blog,i MAY be referring to you oh.lol
love the sentence in the end.kicks the sense out of you,"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING LATELY?!"
good question,what ar?

super nice cars( i upload for you le hor)

miss chia wanted to know and sort of have the pictures of the cars she sets her eyes on,so i help her to post on her blog.the first one is the suzuki swift sports and the second one is the mini cooper s cabrio.all in your favourite colours.satisfied?drool!coz you wont be able to get them.more models would have already been out by the time you get your license and money.LOL!

random

sometimes i simply cant understand why things can be so out of what i had assumed it to be.i thought it was my fault but i realize its their fault too for not clarifing things.I get bothered by it but hey!why should i Be???coz they only know how to say how sad their life is and keep on complaining,they just don't do anything about it?(i dont fucking understand whys that)so why must I always make an effort to make them happier only to find myself an idiot?
thats it,end of me being an idiot.i wont be so auto anymore.dont expect me to go to you anymore,want to find me to talk,FIND ME,dont wait,coz i wont go.

sisters outing pictures!