i need you to know

i know whatever i say does not make any sense to you.but listen to this.....
i gave up on you a long time ago.the feelings are no longer love,its "xi guan".i am used to having you around.i will be the most selfish bitch ever if i gave you a chance to woo me back,especially when i know that its impossible between us.you may not understand this,after all, i took 2 years plus to understand it. I can't explain ,its hard to find the words.i can only say that i realize,understood,and moved on.
you said that i did not even give you a chance,i know,i am sorry for being so cruel,i don't want to hurt you anymore.you did understand what i meant.everything we had was in the past.we no longer have the bond within us anymore.don't you see? we drifted throughout the years.your love and affection stays at the past me not the 'now' me.i am different now,there are many things that you no longer know and understand me.I have not changed but you do not know the history of or the present me anymore.although i still have the same problems around me,i might already have a different approach towards it.
you know me well,i told you,"no matter what,do not regret what you did,every decision you make,changes the course of your life,stick with it"don't make your life so difficult for yourself.if you know there are wolves on the hills,why would you even want to go up to kill yourself?bu yao zhe yang zhi....its just not you.....you never take risk,why now?
you said you figured it out and that you definitely wanted me in your life.but i have also figured that i did want you in my life but in a very different way...i can't accept your way and you can't accept mine.we have our reasons.
if i know that you and i will never work out,why do i even offer you the chance to do so?why do you wanna make me a bitch that i never wanted to be?
i have my reasons for saying that we won't work out.yes,i was influenced by the past,but my decision was based mainly on how i would feel about our future.i just can't see any of it,i don't even think about it the same way that i did a few years ago.
please.......do it for yourself.
let me go......not that i don't want you around,i don't want to you to feel lost and frustrated over me.you know my attitude towards you changed,and i know you can't accept that.for me,i fell that nothing was wrong,what about you?i know you don't like it.i can no longer to there for you like how i used to be.chances are not always there,its gone now.we are just not meant to be,i hope that you will be able to think through this and moved on. i know its a painful process but HOLD ON,AND PULL THROUGH IT.you are the last person i ever want to hurt.