so sian!!!!!

someone said that i am too judgmental on things.its like black is black and white is white,there wont be other sides.i totally agree on that.i am a stubborn bitch,its hard for me to accept things which i find shouldn't be working in that way.and he said that i have to go easy on people.so this is just what i am gonna do now.i won't care much about them anymore.i cannot treat them as true and real friends anymore.we will still talk,play and do whatever shits but there is just a limit to what i can do for them.coz i feel that my existence is just there coz its there,they don't appreciate it so why should i? i have truly opened my eyes and mind. OHM!!! gotta learn to stay as calm as water and as happy as the old yiqian.
"let the ugly die off,no point saving them when its only you doing it."thats what he taught me to see and understand,and what the rest are doing.i am sad for them,they won't have friends anymore,their friends are phony.
back to my world.
i have been working like mad recently.gopa said"i keep seeing you recently ar"of coz! i have been working almost everyday.earn lots of money! but seriously i do not know what to spend on.nothing i am really interested in.all the bags,clothes,accessories and shoes.i never get enough of them.sometimes i tend to question myself" is there a need for me to get it? what is the definition of the 'need'?when is the time i need to buy these stuff?" i will never get an answer.maybe this is what they say,something like you start to ponder how your life works and the things that is really important in your life? have you ever asked yourself?what are the things you cannot lose and gotta have? are your goal seriously something a need a must for you to have?so when you have it,whats the next step?what do you wanna achieve and whats the purpose of achieving it?
all i know now is that i gotta finish this diploma of mine.after much talking to my long time no see brother,the design course don't seem that important anymore.he says that i just wanna prove somethings to myself.i am not loving and wanting it with a huge passion,so he didn't encourage it,if not he could loan money to me to study the full four years course to get an honors!!!!!!!!like OMFG~! i seriously need to rethink.not with the money issues he mentioned but more of do i really want it?and whats my main purpose for getting it.what i wanna do after that.i need to think and think and think.hai......i am getting grey hairs for this.(just kidding,i never had one)
it feels great talking to him.have not seen him for like hmmm....three years???i guess so,i don't really remember le,hahaha.....sorry la.pai seh.he will be going off soon le.hai!!!!!!i will miss ya for sure!!!!