so sian!!!!!

someone said that i am too judgmental on things.its like black is black and white is white,there wont be other sides.i totally agree on that.i am a stubborn bitch,its hard for me to accept things which i find shouldn't be working in that way.and he said that i have to go easy on people.so this is just what i am gonna do now.i won't care much about them anymore.i cannot treat them as true and real friends anymore.we will still talk,play and do whatever shits but there is just a limit to what i can do for them.coz i feel that my existence is just there coz its there,they don't appreciate it so why should i? i have truly opened my eyes and mind. OHM!!! gotta learn to stay as calm as water and as happy as the old yiqian.
"let the ugly die off,no point saving them when its only you doing it."thats what he taught me to see and understand,and what the rest are doing.i am sad for them,they won't have friends anymore,their friends are phony.
back to my world.
i have been working like mad recently.gopa said"i keep seeing you recently ar"of coz! i have been working almost everyday.earn lots of money! but seriously i do not know what to spend on.nothing i am really interested in.all the bags,clothes,accessories and shoes.i never get enough of them.sometimes i tend to question myself" is there a need for me to get it? what is the definition of the 'need'?when is the time i need to buy these stuff?" i will never get an answer.maybe this is what they say,something like you start to ponder how your life works and the things that is really important in your life? have you ever asked yourself?what are the things you cannot lose and gotta have? are your goal seriously something a need a must for you to have?so when you have it,whats the next step?what do you wanna achieve and whats the purpose of achieving it?
all i know now is that i gotta finish this diploma of mine.after much talking to my long time no see brother,the design course don't seem that important anymore.he says that i just wanna prove somethings to myself.i am not loving and wanting it with a huge passion,so he didn't encourage it,if not he could loan money to me to study the full four years course to get an honors!!!!!!!!like OMFG~! i seriously need to rethink.not with the money issues he mentioned but more of do i really want it?and whats my main purpose for getting it.what i wanna do after that.i need to think and think and think.hai......i am getting grey hairs for this.(just kidding,i never had one)
it feels great talking to him.have not seen him for like hmmm....three years???i guess so,i don't really remember le,hahaha.....sorry la.pai seh.he will be going off soon le.hai!!!!!!i will miss ya for sure!!!!

try too hard

sometimes i just think that i tried too hard,and i made things difficult for myself ba.i try to do things which makes sense and helps.sometimes,people just don't care,so why am i still helping them and giving them chances again and again???why should i do so much when they don't even give a damn on how they actually are. they don't even mind being some disgusting bitches they "say" they don't like(so contradicting) or the bastards they say got no bloody brains.
i am no god of mercy and ain't a saint.
so i told myself one thing.some things can be changed while others cannot.i can't change everything that i don't like,so its either i give up or leave it as it is and seriously SHOW NO CONCERN at all.now that i have made myself pretty clear, i guess i made it a point to give some sort of 'warning' to almost everyone.
i can't play,tolerate or be HGL all the way in my life.when school reopens,i am gonna be so god damn serious.i don't know why,i just got the sudden urge to screw people whom i cannot tolerate any longer.i feel that it is seriously time for everyone around me to grow up la!!!stop playing around like there is no tml.i can't understand why some times you guys can act so stupid when you are like 19 or even more this year????use your brains man,its there for a purpose,ok? stop making it look like a ornament.
i am not that nice anymore am i?
i am having a huge temper now,i am not say anything nice at all.

pictures on V day

valentine's day!

actually nothing much......hahaha....i celebrated it with my friends.met out my sisters and gave them the prettily decorated notebooks to them(better than them not even being able to finish writing or buy lo!!!!!!)
ate sakae and ling and min had to go first liao,after which left only me and shan.gotta pretty bored and remembered lao yao having off today.wanted to kaypo who he actually went out with,so decided to give him a call to disturb.in the end he was just sleeping at home,so i managed to 'convince' him to come out.hang around orchard abit with danny joining and the four of us went to icy bar,danny's previous working place to drink and eat things lo. the live music was great!!!!!!!!!they sang real old songs and even sang 'wonderwall' by oasis. i was going" woo!!!!!!!!".i did enjoy myself in there.singing along with the couple.the lady keep smiling at us,must be me mouthing all those songs.,attract her attention.definitely will patronize the place again.i wanna hear the couple sing again!

gotta keep my path

yup thats right, i need to keep track of myself.been so busy lately(lazy too), i don't have time to blog and talk to my dearest people.my schedules are so damn full! but i requested them myself de la so gotta work through this few months and EARN BIG MONEY!lol! ang bao money also must earn so gotta plan out the houses i will be visiting.(LOL!)who don't want ang paos??!!
my mouth taste of blood,coz the back of my gums are bleeding like crazy....T-T
okay by to the main point.my aim is to get a marc jacobs bag this year!(what an aim)
not to pon sch for the coming semesters(get it over with!)
save as much money as possible,not to spend too much on food.(learn to cook it and save my money)
give great service and get great tips =P
get an bigger idea of what i wanna pursue.
persuade every single soul that i really wanna to IT!!!!eh...sorry i mean convince.
the most of all,give myself a good chance to be someone i wanna be.BE ME!

talk about the girlssss

i love their eyes!

i was talking to this guy friend about mine and he decided to ask me things like "who do you think looks really pretty and which guy will you call hot?"
and i thought for a while and said" adam levine and adriana lima"
and his was reaction was totally unexpected and really funny.
he replied" what?! avril lavigne is pretty???!!!"
LOL!!!!!!!!i said -adam levine-,and he took it for the punk and pop singer avril lavigne.i laughed for a real while and he was so stunned at my sudden outburst.i don't blame him.it sound alike to a certain extent.but adriana lima sounded like a guy???no way! no guy cannot not know about her!she is one of the victoria's secret angel and for that i am gonna call him mountain turtle. i just think that both of them look really sexy and have well defined features and their eyes seem to grab hold of you.thats what i really think.and his answers were all asian. i dont think ah sa looks pretty...she is more cute than pretty but i agree with him that tony leung does look good.he cant agree with me coz he don't know who i was talking about.so!
i am gonna post their pictures here.lol!

choices

what a sensitive topic.i don't remember anything about me having a strong desire to be born in this world.i only remember knowing how scary and unpredictable death can be.
i tried to get a goal in life to pursue,a reason why life can be exciting,but it was never excepted by anyone.i tried finding people to rely on,make them my place to hide,but what i get was the more ugly side of things around me.i tried what they say happiness,laugh at everything single little thing,be optimistic,and i was condemned for being happy.they say to be more realistic and serious.infinite mountains started appearing in my mind. nothing was possible anymore.everything including me turned ugly. life became harder and harder,soon breathing became a difficulty,pain became a familiar stranger,sickness was developed,so is my fear.kindness seemed twisted and i was never able to believe in something for long. my sense of security was taken again and again,till i can never find it anymore,not even in my dreams.
i lost myself to my fears.i get happy and smile but i realize i am always afraid that something will break soon.i am afraid of boulders hitting at the same time.if all of the boulders drop,my tolerance for life will break.
told to find myself back,to stand high and worry about nothing because everything will soon be gone by the wind.
i took a glimpse below and i fell.i don't know when i will ever hit ground
by then, i will get to know whats "there is no place like heaven" meant.